FAQs

Can you tell if people are gay by their mannerisms, physical characteristics, clothes, hobbies and jobs?

Gay and lesbian peoples are as diverse as straight people in the way they look, dress, and act.  People who are lesbian, gay and bisexual work in all types of jobs and belong to all ethnic, racial, political, and economic groups.  They are members of all religions and faith communities.  The have different mental and physical abilities.  They are young, old and middle-aged.  While some gay people do fit certain stereotypes, most do not.  Moreover, many straight people fit these same stereotypes of gay or lesbian people (such as a woman having short hair).  How people dress, walk, talk or where they work has nothing to do with their sexual orientation.  So, there is no way to know someone’s sexual orientation unless he or she tells you.
Source: The City of New York, Department of Health, Professional Education Project, Office of Gay & Lesbian Health Concerns

Is there a “gay lifestyle?”  

There is no “gay lifestyle.”  There is also no standard “heterosexual lifestyle.”  For example, although some people think that a “normal” heterosexual lifestyle is to get married and have children, only 23% of the 111 million households in the United States are made up of a married couple with their own children.  Just like straight people, LGBT people have many different types of relationships and live in very diverse ways, in urban, suburban, and rural areas.  All people, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity, are individuals with their own, unique lives.
Sources: The City of New York, Department of Health, Professional Education Project, Office of Gay & Lesbian Health Concerns; Fields, Jason. 2003. America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2003. Current Population Reports, P20-553. U.S. Census Bureau, Washington, DC."

Do lesbians want to be men, and gay men want to be women?

Many people confuse gender identity (how we see ourselves – as a male or female) with sexual orientation (to which gender(s) we are sexually attracted.)  These are two different issues.  People who are non-traditional in their gender role expression because they don’t completely identify or feel comfortable with their biological gender are called “transgendered.”  Some transgendered people feel totally alienated from their biological sex and feel trapped in the wrong body.  They are born with one biological sex and develop the gender identity of the other.  They are referred to as “transsexual,” and may elect to have a sex change operation.  Like non-transgendered people, most transgendered and transsexual people are heterosexual.  Most gay men and lesbian women feel very comfortable with their biological sex.  Despite this reality, transgendered people are almost always perceived to be gay simple because of their appearance, which is often that of a masculine woman or feminine man, and are thus subject to the same types of anti-gay violence and discrimination.
Source: American Educational Gender Information Service

Are people who are bisexual just denying that they are lesbian or gay?

It is true that for some people exploring their sexual identity, “bisexual” is a temporary label. However, many people have a deep, lasting sense of themselves as bisexuals. Bisexuals are not “mixed up” gays or straights, or simply “half and half.
Source: Bisexual Resource Center

Can homosexuality be cured by appropriate therapy?

There are religious and secular organizations that sponsor campaigns and studies suggesting that gay, lesbian and bisexual people can change their sexual orientation. Their assertions assume that there is something wrong with being gay, lesbian or bisexual - the largest problem is, in fact, society's intolerance of difference. Many of the studies and campaigns suggesting that GLB people can change are based on ideological biases rather than solid science. Claims of conversion from gay to straight tend to be poorly documented, full of flawed research with a lack of follow-up. No studies show proven long-term changes in gay people, and many reported changes are based solely on behavior and not a person's actual self-identity. The American Psychological Association has stated that scientific evidence shows that reparative therapy (therapy which claims to change GLB people) does not work and that it can do more harm than good.
Source: PFLAG: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

What causes someone to be gay?

No one knows what causes heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality. Homosexuality was once thought to be the result of troubled family dynamics or faulty psychological development. Those assumptions are now understood to have been based on misinformation and prejudice. Currently there is a renewed interest in searching for biological etiologies for homosexuality. However, to date there are no replicated scientific studies supporting any specific biological etiology for homosexuality. Similarly, no specific psychosocial or family dynamic cause for heterosexuality.
Source: American Psychiatric Association    

Is being gay a choice?

Although the exact causes of sexual orientation are still not fully understood, psychologists do not consider it to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed.  Instead of people deciding to which gender(s) they will be sexually attracted, people slowly begin to discover their sexual orientation.  For most people, feelings of sexual attraction emerge in early adolescence, and are not related to prior sexual experience.
Source: American Psychiatric Association

When do gay, lesbian, and bisexual people generally become aware of which gender(s) they are sexually attracted to?

Lesbian and gay adolescents and adults frequently describe a sense of having felt “different” from early childhood. The average age at which boys first become aware of same-sex attraction is 9, and 10 for girls. On average, boys have their first homosexual experience by age 13 and girls by age 15. Self-identification as lesbian or gay happens, on average, at age 16 for both girls and boys.
Source: Lesbian & Gay Youth: Care & Counseling, by Caitlin Ryan and Donna Futterman, New York: Columbia University Press, 1998

Are gay men the majority of child molesters gay men?    

Empirical research does not show that gay or bisexual men are any more likely than heterosexual men to molest children. For example, a study conducted by Dr. Carole Jenny of sexually abused children in Denver (published in 1994) found that in only 2 of 269 cases of molestation was the molester a gay adult.
Source: Facts About Homosexuality and Child Molestation, Dr. Gregory M. Herek, http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html

Does how a parent raise their children influence whether their children will be straight or gay?

For most people, sexual orientation and gender identity are shaped at any early age. While research has not determined a cause, homosexuality and gender variance are not the result of any one factor like parenting or past experiences. It is never anyone's "fault" if they or their loved one grows up to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Numerous studies have shown that the children of gay parents are as likely to be healthy and well adjusted as children raised in heterosexual households. Children raised in gay or lesbian households do not show any greater incidence of homosexuality or gender identity issues than other children.
Source: PFLAG: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays and American Psychiatric Association

Are people who are lesbian, gay or bisexual either “in the closet” or totally “out?”

Being “in the closet” means being partially or totally secret about one’s gay, lesbian or bisexual orientation.  A person who is gay might come “out” over time as people become aware of and acknowledge to themselves and others their sexual orientation as gay, lesbian or bisexual.  “Coming out” is a never-ending process, as every time people who are gay meet someone new they must decide whether or not, how and when to tell this person they are gay.
Source: Just the Facts About Sexual Orientation and Youth: A Primer for Principals, Educators & School Personnel, Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network

Are bisexuals people equally attracted to both sexes?

Some bisexual people are attracted to men and women equally, some aren't. Some say they're attracted to men and women in different ways, others say gender just isn't relevant to who they're interested in. Contrary to common myth, a bisexual person does not need to be sexually involved with both a man and a woman simultaneously. In fact, some people who identify as bisexual never engage in sexual activity with one or the other (or either) gender. As is the case for heterosexuals and gay men and lesbians, attraction does not involve acting on every desire. Like heterosexuals and gay people, many bisexuals choose to be sexually active with one partner only, and have long-term, monogamous relationships.
Source: Bisexual Resource Center    

Are The statistics for teen suicides similar for gay and non gay adolescents?

It is difficult to research GLBT youth suicide because many young gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people have not "come out." But it has been estimated that as many as 30 percent of all youth suicides are completed by gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people.

Many GLBT youths have "come out" only to be rejected by their friends and family, in addition to being ridiculed and bullied. It would be very difficult to imagine a GLBT youth who would not become depressed under such circumstances.  And untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.
Source: Suicide.org

Are people legally protected by the federal government from being discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation?

While there is no federal law that prohibits this type of discrimination in private employment, an executive order specifically outlaws discrimination based on sexual orientation in the federal government. If you are a private employer and you operate your business in a state, county, or city with a law or ordinance prohibiting sexual orientation discrimination, you must follow that law despite the fact that there is no federal law in place.

State laws. Seventeen states and the District of Columbia have laws that currently prohibit sexual orientation discrimination in private employment: California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont, Washington, and Wisconsin. Some of these states also specifically prohibit discrimination based on gender identity. (In addition, six states have laws prohibiting sexual orientation discrimination in public workplaces only: Colorado, Delaware, Indiana, Michigan, Montana, and Pennsylvania.)

Local laws. Locally, more than 180 cities and counties nationwide prohibit sexual orientation discrimination in at least some workplaces -- from Albany, New York to Ypsilanti, Michigan.

To find out whether your state, county, or city has a law prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, contact your state labor department or your state fair employment office. You can also visit the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund website at www.lambdalegal.org, where you will find a state-by-state list of antidiscrimination laws, including city and county ordinances.

As of December 2008. Source:NOLO

Are there direct references to sexual relations between two men and between two women found in the Torah?

Two verses in the Torah (Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13) have been understood to prohibit same-sex sexual relations between men, calling such acts “toevah” (commonly translated as “abomination”). Sexual relations between women are not mentioned once in the entire Torah. Recently, many scholars and rabbis – Reform to Orthodox -- have argued that traditional interpretations of the verses in Leviticus are flawed and that the prohibition refers to sexual violence between men.
Source: Wrestling With God & Men: Homosexuality in the Jewish Tradition, by Rabbi Steven Greenberg, the University of Wisconsin Press, 2004

How do the Jewish movements (Orthodox, Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist, and Renewal) respond to same-sex marriage and rabbinical leadership?

Conservative Movement
The Conservative Movement, known as Masorti Judaism outside of the United States, developed formally in the early 1900s in the United States, as an outgrowth of a 19th century German response to the growth of Reform Judaism. Conservative Judaism attempts to maintain a commitment to Jewish law and Jewish traditions while also maintaining a positive attitude towards modern culture. Consequently, the Conservative Movement is highly diverse, with those who identify as Conservative Jews ranging from very socially liberal to “Conservadox.” Conservative Jews make up the second largest group of affiliated Jews in the United States, after the Reform Movement.

Orthodox Judaism
Orthodox, or traditional, Judaism is characterized by strict adherence to halacha, or Jewish law. Orthodox Jews believe that the Torah and the core rabbinic texts (Midrash, Talmud, etc.) are the word of God, and consequently, are unalterable. Orthodox Jews accept the obligation of the 613 mitzvot, which were codified by the Rabbis. They also strive to live in accordance with traditional Jewish law. However, there is tremendous variation within Orthodox Jewish communities. Orthodox Jews include the members of a broad range of Haredi (Ultra-Orthodox) sects, as well as Modern Orthodox Jews who interact with and participate fully in modern society.

Reconstructionist Movement
Reconstructionist Judaism was founded by Rabbis Mordecai Kaplan and Ira Eisenstein from the late 1920s to the 1940s. Developed as a response to the Conservative Movement, Reconstructionist Judaism is the only uniquely American Jewish denomination. The Reconstructionist Movement encourages traditional Jewish practices, but considers Judaism to be an evolving religious civilization and holds that modern Western secular morality can take precedence over Jewish law. Reconstructionist Judaism is a highly egalitarian movement, and was formed partially in response to the gender divisions of Conservative Judaism during the early 20th century.

Reform Movement
Reform Judaism, often called Progressive Judaism outside of the United States, was founded in Germany during the early 1800s and came to the United States with the wave of German immigrants in the mid-1800s. The movement today is the largest in the United States and is characterized by a strong emphasis on tikkun olam (“repairing the world”), individual autonomy in the interpretation of Torah and halacha (or Jewish law), a limited use of Hebrew in prayer services (although this has been changing in recent years), and gender equality in all facets of Jewish communal life.

Source: Jewish Mosaic : The National Center for Sexual and Gender Diversity